“Can’t you draw anything else?”
I would bite my tongue and think to myself, how rude. Of course I can draw other things. Horses simply make me happy. I was teased a lot during grade school for my love of horses. Although, from the outside perspective that love was just a passing obsession.
I grew tired of the teasing and I practically stopped drawing horses all together. When I did, I no longer shared those drawings with others. Instead, I began drawing what others said I should be drawing in order to impress and prove that I was a worthy artist of skill. I even took commissions in the form of "gifts" because the commissioners didn't want to pay. Absolute misery.
A slight twinge formed in my chest for art and that world of critics who don't draw themselves. The twinge became my companion.
I am that little suburban girl "obsessed" with horses even though I rarely got to see them in real life. From model horses to stuffed animals to breed posters, I had it all. I still have my first horse, Klocky, who was given to me around the age of 5 as an early Christmas present from my mom, "Santa." Early, because I had found where she had hidden him and I threw a record breaking fit until she relinquished him to me. Klocky came complete with tack, but the moment I opened the box he became wild and fee.
I am that kid who grew up drawing. I am that kid who primarily drew horses and unicorns as I saw them. I taught myself the horse anatomy. I referenced horse encyclopedias and care manuals to make sense of their shape, movement, muscles, bones, eyes, hair and hooves. I also taught myself basic light source and shading techniques. I subscribed to tack magazines and started collecting models. I needed more to satiate the twinge. So I made plans for the future where I would own a herd of at least 4.
"You know you'll never own a horse, right?"
My heart sank. I trusted the being who spoke those words and I believed them. It hurt so much I tore down my posters and bagged up my stuffies for mom to make a donation. I did everything I could to stop thinking about horses. None of it worked of course. But that twinge turned into grief as my dream for the future turned into pain and the only other thing to do was stop drawing horses for real. It wouldn't be until college when I drew horses in the open again.
My focus shifted to rock stars and the movie stars of my favorite films. I was able to learn very basic human anatomy and perspective. I worked from the little booklets found in CD cases and the backs of VHSs and DVDs. I got a thrill seeing the variations in all the too-cool-for-school faces. I started to perceive personality behind the music and celebrity characters and I loved it.
I hated color and didn’t use it often. I understood basic color theory thanks to my mom who painted a lot and would teach me how to mix colors and so on. It wasn’t until 9th grade art class and high school that I began adding color more frequently and keeping it involved with my work.
"Are you going to go to art school?"
Literally everyone would ask me. It was a no brainer. I would apply to Snow College down in the belly button of Utah and follow the footsteps of both my sisters.
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