Me in '09: "Goodbye Kearns High!" -I wish I knew beforehand that graduating early was a thing!- "Hello Snow College!"
My parents left the same day they moved me in to my apartment. I cried. A lot. They had lingered longer with both my sisters when they moved in to their student apartments. I knew I was loved but...still.
The little Ephraim City bubble introduced me to friends who would make that first year of college one of the happiest years of my life. I would also discover the world of printmaking and fall in love with art again. It was a wide, big world full of its own techniques and forms that smacked me in the face like a ton of lead. I was (am still) spellbound by that medium. So much so that when I was ready to transfer to a four year institution I was so very close to having printmaking as my area of emphasis instead of painting and drawing. However, my childhood use of graphite and mom's lessons in acrylic demanded I keep my painting and drawing commitment. I told myself I would see that through to the end.
I moved on to get my BFA from The University of Utah in 2011.
My experiences from Snow and The U were drastically different and yet the same. Both gave me fabulous options and opportunities and gave me incredible friendships and relationships I cherish to this day. Yet, my experience at The U destroyed the newly found desire to create art again. Not even a little flame’s worth of desire remained. I mourned the loss of that short, two year glow in my heart. I cried again. Was it the lessons taught, the ideals impressed upon me? Maybe it was Burnout. Maybe it was Expectations. Maybe it was the Fear of Failure or even the Fear of Success. Maybe it was Dread. Maybe I messed up my life and Art wasn’t mine after all. I stopped creating. All together this time. I didn't even scribble on church programs.
I used to know the measurement of the time my heart went dormant. That was so long ago now.
I slept and cried and cried and slept.
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